Brenda

Mum’s final farewell

Its a year since my mum died. Please don’t feel sorry for me; it may sound heartless but the relationship we had caused a lot of pain. On her passing I was not sad, I don’t mourn her loss – however, over the past few days when I’ve seen others posting about their special relationships with their mothers and how special mothers are, I mourn more for not having had that type of mother.

Regardless of my personal feelings about Anna, the mother. Anna, the person deserves respect and an honourable funeral and others needed to say goodbye. It turns out that despite the way I felt about her, I too, needed to say goodbye.

We decided on a direct cremation for mum. Direct funerals are becoming more commonplace, so over on Wise & Shine I reflect on my experiences of a direct cremation. Pop over to see what I thought.

38 comments

  4. Thoughtful and honest post here Brenda, and never a need to explain a personal relationship with family. It is so very easy to relate to your words.

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  5. I feel all of this with and for you, Brenda. It’s taken me eight years to wrap my head around my feelings for my mother and they’re still a pretty mixed bag. I think your post is helpful and as Deb said, honest, and many will be able to relate. And, given that it’s just been a year, it’s good that you’re taking care of yourself. Whatever was left unsaid between you and your mum? For what it’s worth, I have little chats with mine often. I wish she’d answer (sometimes) but engaging in a little “I offer this up to the universe” thinking lifts my spirits every time. But that’s me – I have a need to get things outside of myself…and perhaps your posts today are helping you to do just that. Honor your mom, your way. Sending big hugs! 🥰

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  6. Thoughtful read, Brenda.
    I have a few difficult questions,
    Can a mom show equal love and affection to all her kids.?
    Can a mom treat her daughter and daughter in law equally?
    Can a mom be cruel towards her kids?
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on mum’s final farewell.

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    • Thanks Philo. I’m not sure if you are asking my opinion or just looking for answers but no, my experience is that parents can’t show equal love
      To some extent my mother in law treats me better than her daughter
      Yes mums (and dads) can be cruel. I think they can also be insensitive and not protect and defend them against abuse

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  8. Family relationships are complicated and you can never judge anyone else’s by your own. As for funerals, although I think it’s important to respect the wishes of the person who has died (if you know what they were) really they are for those left behind. When I organised my father’s funeral it was with my mother in mind, and how she would feel about it. With her funeral 18 months ago it was more for me and I felt much more that I had got it right. But in the end, if you do your best under what are awful conditions, you cannot do more.

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    • Thanks Anabel. I think you’re right, you are dealing with so much, and so many emotions,you just have to go with what feels right at the time.

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  11. I feel your pain Brenda. Mother’s Day is not a happy one for all of us. For some it’s a reminder that we didn’t receive some on that special loving. Mourning however is a not such a bad place to be, from there I realized that it had nothing to do with me not being good enough or worthy of love but everything to do with mum being incapable of pouring from an empty cup. My prayer is that you work through the anger and resentment and make peace with your past. ♥️🤗

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  13. Mourning comes in many different forms. Some mourn the loss of what was, others the loss of something they never had. May time ease the pain and bring insight and healing 💞

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  14. There are so many ways to mourn a mother. I lost my mother to cancer when I was eleven. She was amazing. So I find myself randomly mourning the mother I didn’t get to know long enough. I always wonder what it would have been like to know her as an adult! I hate that I don’t have that.

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