Before Christmas I shared that I’d decided to produce as a piece of creative writing based on a dream. So here it is. This is my first foray into creative writing in 40+ years and while I could spend lots of time working on it to make it more descriptive, more colourful I believe it will be more beneficial to open it up for feedback – I’m looking to develop my skills and knowledge – so please be honest 🙂 There’s no point in making lots of changes headed in wrong direction – I know there are a lot of talented writers out there, so I’m looking forward to reading your feedback and comments.
I am also feeling quite exposed and nervous/anxious but if I don’t do this, I can’t move forward.
Its a perfectly ordinary day, the people of the city are going about their daily business. They are caught up in the hustle and bustle of the city – no time to stop to appreciate the beautiful morning. The sun is shining. Even in this beautiful city of tall buildings, of skyscrapers of concrete and glass, where sun is reflected off the glass, such a beautiful but ordinary routine day, the people are busy.
Suddenly there is fire in the sky and the calm of the normal day is shattered by flaming balls tearing through the blue. A massive space rock had broken up as it entered the atmosphere and now there is an amazing light display as the people stop to watch the meteorites streaking overhead, awestruck by the spectacle on show. Too soon the force of nature is over and the people return to what they were doing, excitement for the day over.
The passenger jet in the skies above hadn’t even been noticed by the people. Its a city, planes are a normal part of the environment. its reassuring that after the meteorite things are back to normal – the buildings are still standing and the planes are still flying. The meteorites will no doubt land away from the city.
The plane above now feels closer, why is it flying lower? It seems too near – almost as if you could reach out and touch it – but it still seems to be on course, seems to be being flown in a controlled manner. But then it turns slightly – changing course or was there a hint of a wobble? Now the fire in the side of the plane is visible – smoke and flames emerging from the hole punched in the side of this white mechanical bird that has become an albatross. It starts to weave a bit through the air. The pilot is fighting, struggling to keep this massive beast in the air, avoiding the buildings, avoiding the people. The people of the city are watching again, they have been stopped in their tracks, dumbstruck by the plane in distress. They watch as it veers left and right, almost going along the streets. It vanishes from view, but there is silence: no bangs, no crashes or explosions; the people hold their breath, anxiously waiting for what comes next …
After a few seconds that lasted a lifetime the plane reappears and the pilot has managed to land the cockpit safely, without crashing into any buildings. Its a miracle to see them down safely. After a few seconds everyone bursts into applause before rushing to what remains of the plane and congratulate the cockpit crew for a successful landing – not yet wondering what happened to the rest of the plane.
If you made it to the end of my writing, I’d really welcome all feedback so I can improve my skills, technique etc. I know I’m more used to writing factual, academic material so this is a big shift for me and I’m not really sure what I should be doing – so please share your comments with me below.
Should you wish to see how my creative writing evolves, you could also sign up to my blog
Wow, what a fascinating image/premise/dream you’ve written about.
I am not a creative writer so I’m not sure my feedback is worth anything. But it strikes me that the people on the ground might be easier to relate to if it was a specific person who you could see the event from. Like “Joe was crossing the street on 9th and Union, dodging the others coming towards him, thinking about both the sandwich he was going to order from the deli and his afternoon line-up when…”
Again – take that for what its worth which might not be much… 🙂 Nice work spreading your wings and trying something new!
Thanks Wynne. I had wondered about the narrator and whether it was too distant – so thank you. Its also good to get the feedback from readers about what works/doesn’t work for them. So I think its great to get your feedback.
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As a writing teacher, I agree that you might try bringing in a closer narrator– maybe one of the people in the street below, the pilot, or someone else in the plane? Dialogue could help to build the suspense. You have a great concept here! I was intrigued from the start.
Thank you so much. I appreciate the feedback
I think writing this from the pilot’s point of view would be fascinating. You can even switch point of view between him and someone on the ground afraid. Dialogue, too. Great story idea.
Some interesting thoughts KS. Certainly some ideas to explore. Thanks for the feedback
I loved it, really good job. Would love to see more creative writing pieces.
Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed it, Brenda. I love how you created such imagery with your choice of words
Thank you Beth. I’m glad you enjoyed it
I liked this story a lot. I’ve recently been thinking about trying to write up a few of my dreams, but seriously, nothing happens. They are usually about leaky ceilings or being late to work. Feedback I would offer is to try to avoid using the same word two or three three times within a couple of lines of prose. Of course, others might disagree with this suggestion. An example would be day, daily, day in the first paragraph. Really, though, well done.
That sounds like my normal dreams … or maybe my husband’s as he wakens me up in the middle of the night creeping around the flat shining the torch into the corners of the ceilings to check for leaks on stormy nights
I agree with you about using the same word too frequently, guess I missed that
Awesome read Brenda. Your words created images and for me that equals creative. Lovely 🤍
Thank you Destiny
I enjoyed this piece of fiction. I feel if it was narrated by the writer as one of the people on the ground, it would also enable you to express the emotions of excitement, fear surprises and relief they are experiencing.
Thanks Sadje. I appreciate your feedback. I few comments are saying the same thing, and I did wonder about that myself. It’s reassuring to see that I was thinking along the right lines. Thank you, my friend
You’re most welcome
Nice article sis, wish I remembered that much about dreams. Instead they come to me years later in bed trying to sleep. Had a right good one last night and that’s all I know lol.
What happened to rest of the plane or was it you that destroyed it
I don’t know … or maybe I just haven’t developed the story enough to answer it … or maybe you write your own ending
Yeah, leaving it open let’s other people fill it in and you remembered loads. I remember tuning my car up to drag race but when I went to get in car it shrunk and had to sit on top of it and went straight off back when I put my foot down and hit nitrous, car then went flying round a load of gardens and caught it when it came at me. I’m amazed I remember all that although that’s only around 10% of the dream
Interesting!!
Keep writing.
Thank you. I will
Glad to know that .
How are you?
How’s your health?
I’m good, thank you. Just planning out what I’m going to be working on for the next month
Break a leg!!
I wish you strength and success.
SHINE!!!!!
Thank you Devang
Just don’t break your leg
Break someone else’s leg 🦵 and have aa great time.
Shine 🌟🙌🏻
For me, you’re telling the story as the narrator and not as anybody in the story. This is good, and something called First Person Point Of View, where the story is always told from one person’s perspective, so you’re unlikely ever to confuse your readers with what is known as ‘Head Hopping’, where the point of view is from different characters.
I agree with what Jeff said about using the same word too many times. When they become repetitive, readers can lose interest in the story.
For a first attempt, it’s very good, Brenda. I’d recommend you participate in some fiction challenges here on WordPress. After all, they do say practice makes perfect, so keep on writing.
Thanks Hugh. I was hoping you’d feedback as I’ve really enjoyed reading your short stories. I was also considering some of the writing prompts
I was kicking myself after Jeff’s comments about repetition – I had thought that was drummed into me when studying French at uni … it just wasn’t done ever!
It’s a mistake all writers make. I use the free version of Grammarly which picks up repetitive words and suggests replacement words, Brenda. I find it a very useful piece of software, especially because I’m dyslexic.
Thanks Hugh 😁
I’ve been considering it. It’s on my phone, but think I’ll add it to my tablet and laptop
Nice write-up.
You are a good narrator indeed.
Keep writing.
Thank you so much Vermavkv 😍
Well done. I left the story with the feeling that there is an element of both claustrophobia and the surreal inherent. The ultimate indifference of meteor presence not actually causing havoc. It makes you create your own rationale as to why the people carry on regardless. Futuristic vibe. Cheers and all the best.
Thank you Gray. Its interesting to hear what people take away from the piece 😁
It’s great to see you trying your hand at creative writing! Overall, the story flows well and the plot is engaging. One suggestion I have is to try to add more descriptive language and sensory details to bring the story to life for the reader. For example, instead of just saying “the sun is shining,” you could describe how the sun’s rays feel on the skin, or how the light reflects off the buildings. Additionally, you could try to give more personality to the characters in the story by describing their reactions and emotions. Keep up the good work and keep practicing to improve your writing skills.
Thank you Sapiens. this is valuable feedback 🙂
“Initiatives should be encouraged if they’re beautiful.”
I congratulate you for your “First Creative Post”, Brenda.🎉🎉
Please write more.😁👍👍
I will … sorry, your comment was in my spam folder
Thank you Lokesh
It is great to change up your writing style and do some creative writing. I think practising writing helps your writing style. Thank you for sharing your piece. I look forward to reading more.
Lauren
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement Lauren. I have an outline idea for another piece of creative writing … and im finding I just want to write … anything at all, so long as its pen to paper
That is a good feeling to have!
I’d say the fact that you got 46 comments out of 11 or 12 people says all you need to know. 🙂
Just in case you have doubts though, I see real potential there. I’d agree with previous replies that it could use a little more polish, but considering what you said about how long it’s been, there’s a world of potential there.
Thank you 🙂 I appreciate you taking the time to provide some feedback.
I could have said more, but it would have been redundant with all the previous great comments. 🙂
You have some vivid descriptions here, and it’s easy to picture the scene.
I agree with the comments on “point of view.” While the “people” have very similar reactions to what they see happening, there are no doubt many different kinds of people, and it would add interest to zero in on one of them. I also like the idea of using two points of view, such as the pilot (or a passenger?) and someone on the ground. The more specific, the more the reader is drawn in, as (s)he relates to the person or persons telling the story.
The thing about creative writing is, there are no final “right” answers, just an infinite array of choices. This can be overwhelming, or it can be fun. (I hope you have fun. 😉 )
Thank you for reading, and for your feedback. I’ll take on board the comments when I next write 😁 but so far, I’m having fun